| The Final Curtain Call |
[Dec. 1st, 2008|07:25 pm] |
I suddenly got this weird need to play my guitar. I haven't even touched it in a long time and now I'm really sad that it's at my dad's. When I was younger, from maybe 6-14, I used to make up songs. I say make up because I never wrote them on paper nor did I ever sing them again. Mainly because I forgot them. But some of them were actually pretty good. Now I feel like I want to write music. Or lyrics. And I will.
Thank you Seth. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 23rd, 2008|08:11 pm] |
My over-emotional side loves this song. |
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| Never again. |
[Sep. 27th, 2008|02:16 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | --, meme | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | ガゼット | ] |
1. Listaa asioita 20 eri ihmisille, joita haluat sanoa, mutta et uskalla.
2. Älä paljasta keitä he ovat.
3. Voitte kommentoida, mutta en saa vastata arvuutteluihinne. Nauttikaamme mahdollisista väärinkäsityksistä.
( Read more... ) |
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| Excuses... |
[Aug. 31st, 2008|05:11 pm] |
I should be writing an essay right now. Or two actually. But I happen to find this much more entertaining.
I've been reeeally busy, again >_> That's my excuse for everything I haven't done. I'm sorry for not writing those two emails to the two people who I know are waiting for them. I promise to write them next week. Every night I come home so tired that I don't feel like doing anything. But fortunately this will be over in about... umm.. well soon anyway.
Which brings me to the topic that's been on my mind for some time now. My life after IB. People who know me in person are probably sick of this but I'm just so excited at the moment. It's nice to know that you have something to look forward to.
So. When/If I pass IB [doesn't matter, I'll leave either way] I will move to Helsinki and I have a job there waiting confirmation. When I have enough money I will go to Japan. It would be nice to see Gazette's Burst into a Blaze so I have to work hard to get the money.. Hopefully my knowledge of the language is good enough for me to survive. I'm still not sure about how long I'll be staying there. I guess it depends on whether I can get someone to come with me or not. This is what you get for not having that many friends who like the same things as you do. I would really want to go with someone because travelling alone to a whole new country is a bit scary. But at this point I can say that I will be there for at least one month. Hopefully. I'll start saving my money right away. Hih.
The only problem now is the fact that I don't have anyone to go with. I will go alone if I have to but I know it would be nicer to go with someone. I have a friend in Japan but she doesn't live near Tokyo and I doubt she would want to spend a whole month with me >_> I know it's a bit early to worry about these things but that's what I tend to do. And if someone decides to go with me then they'll have to save money too so it's good to know early, right?
I sound desperate..
Well anyway. When I come back to Finland and if I feel like it, I will probably go to a vocational school [I guess that's what they're called]. It's kind of sad that it took me over two years to realise that I don't want the IB diploma and that I don't even most likely need it... But there's only this year left so I might as well suffer a bit more. Then it's over and I can [hopefully] finally start my life.
I have almost decided on who I'll cosplay at Tsukicon. The options right now are Nameless Liberty Six Guns Reita and some Ruki. I'm also quite fond of the Disorder hoodie. It's hard to decide. Ruki would be easier on my hair because my hair is really dark brown but my body is more Reita-like. Help?
We'll see. I just don't have a lot of time.
I have a cold so I guess I won't be going to choir practice tomorrow. I should also start my driving school since I need my licence by New Year. The course starts tomorrow but I think I'll have to postpone it again. But I promise myself [and Ulla...] that I'll start soon. And work starts next week too o.o I'm going to be dead by christmas... |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 18th, 2008|07:18 pm] |
I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male.
Re-post this if you believe homophobia is wrong. Please do your part to end it. |
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| an update on my life |
[Jul. 30th, 2008|01:16 pm] |
It's been a while since my last entry and I apologize to myself.
I like my life right now. Even with all the stuff that I was supposed to do and didn't.
2008.2.2
Helsinki and Girugamesh. It was wonderful. Thanks Sophie for coming with me ^^ The apartment that we were staying in was um.. interesting. I had to clean it. It took me me two hours to do it and Sophie studied history while I was trying to make the bathroom white again.
The concert <3 It was amazing. Sophie said I was crying so I guess I have to believe her.. And afterwards there was this guy with a huge kamera filming the fans and I think he filmed us too. Yay. Sophie showed me Helsinki cause I've never really seen it except the Kamppi-Tavastia street. So my weekend then was nice.
And after that a LOT has happened but I've been too busy/lazy to write anything.
In the beginning of the summer we went to a tivoli with some people from school. Most of the summer I've been with Miikka and Jonne. And because of that I'm poor. I went to Helsinki and saw Miyavi <3 It was honestly one of the best concerts I've ever seen. He really knows what to do on a stage. But I have to admit that I was a bit disappointed when they didn't play the songs that I really wanted to hear. But I still loved it.
Last week I went to Nivala in hopes of having time to make a gunblade for my friend and it worked! I'll post some pictures when I get them because the gunblade isn't here right now.
Animecon 2008 at Tampere
I don't feel like writing today so I'll just put up some pictures and say that I had lots of fun. And that I felt popular. There were a lot of people taking pictures and it was very confusing for someone like me who doesn't usually like being photographed but luckily I wasn't myself, I was *insert freakish drums here* Deep Dive Riku from Kingdom Hearts II. I didn't get any really good pictures of myself but I plan on getting a few if I can get someone to take them.
I was supposed to see three of my friends there but I couldn't find them ;_; I was with Sophie and Miikka [who was cosplaying as the Kingdom Hearts version of Leon]. It was fun.
( Most of these pictures were taken by Miikka [with my camera] because he liked to do the running-after-cosplayers part for us. ) |
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| Wanhat 15.2.2008 |
[Feb. 24th, 2008|07:10 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | wanhat | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | ayreon - comatose | ] |
I'm slow. So last week we had our dance thing. It was fun. I even got to dance with ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) anti_colour muhahhahahaaa.
I had to wake up at 4.00am. We were almost late for the picture but we made it. First dance 10.00am. Second dance 15.00 I think. After that we went to a restaurant with our friends. We didn't want to go with our school because it would have been more expensive and I don't like to be around so many people. Anyway. Then I went home and had a nice evening with the Play Station I stole from my friend. Kingdom Hearts and Final Fantasy are very addicting.
There's not many photos of my dress.. This is one of the few. It looks weird.
I liked my hair.
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| Japan vs. um...? |
[Jan. 22nd, 2008|10:06 pm] |
I used to love goth-related things and I guess I still do but I'm starting to lose my respect for the people o.O I used to admire them thinking that they were somehow um.. more tolerant and in almost any way people that you would want to admire. But I've realized that they are just as bad as everone else. They think they are original and tolerant but actually they are quite shallow... They even make fun of other "goths". I know this is not true for all of them and actually I don't like to label people as goth or anything else but it just makes things a lot easier.
Anyway. I found this comment in Schatten. They were having a discussion about Japan and j-rock and lolitas etc. I just laughed at most of the comments. It's pathetic, really..
too tired to translate. sorry.
Inamourada said:
"Miksi tällaiset japani-ihkuttajat tekevät kaikkea mahdollista Japaniin liittyvää... harrastetaan itämaisia taistelulajeja, opiskellaan japania (ja silloinkin osataan vain ulkoaopetellut kliseet, kuten kawaii ja nippon wa aisheteru, vaikka sekin väärällä kieliopilla), katsotaan kaikki mahdolliset animet ja kaiken kukkuraksi kuunnellaan vielä j-rockia/poppia... Ja sitten ollaan rasittavia, tai ainakin tällaisia ulkopuolisia se ärsyttää. Ainakin minua siis. Eikä se tyylikkään mielestäni ole mitenkään erityisen hätkähdyttävä. Mikä siinä viehättää? Ei ole tietnkään tarkoitus loukata ketään, mutta niin.."
Jaijot said:
"Miksi tällaiset gootti-ihkuttajat tekevät kaikkea mahdollista "goottiin" liittyvää... harrastetaan angstausta, opiskellaan synkeitä runoja (ja silloinkin osataan vain ulkoaopetellut kliseet, kuten X ja X, vaikka sekin väärällä kieliopilla), katsotaan kaikki mahdolliset mukahyvät 20-luvn mustavalkoiset ekspressiiviset leffat ja kaiken kukkuraksi kuunnellaan vielä gootirockia/poppia/indua/ebm polkkaa... Ja sitten ollaan rasittavia, tai ainakin tällaisia ulkopuolisia se ärsyttää. Ainakin minua siis. Eikä se tyylikkään mielestäni ole mitenkään erityisen hätkähdyttävä. Mikä siinä viehättää? Ei ole tietnkään tarkoitus loukata ketään, mutta niin.." ;)
To that Inamourada replied something about how he hasn't really thought about it from that point of view. Exactly my point. Why not?
I love this Jaijot whoever he/she is. I'm glad there are people like this on that forum too.. Some of the people are actually pretty smart but some...
And this could be said about any other label thing there is. I just don't understand why people won't let other people be what they are. Just leave them alone. If they want to shout kawaii in public places - let them shout kawaii! I'm not saying that I really like people doing that but so what? No one cares about my opinion. If you have a problem - deal with it.
People are stupid.
I come from a small city. I remember people hating Japan etc. We had one guy in our school who read manga and he wasn't quite popular. All I want to ask is why? I like anime and liked it even then. If I said it out loud people would look at me like a pile of shit. And from what I've heard and seen.. It hasn't changed much. I don't mind. Actually I really don't care. I'm just wondering.
But I have to admit that although I thought I was tolerant and nice and all.. Actually I was as bad. Maybe not towards Japan but towards something anyway.
I think Japanese people make really good music. Definitely not all of them but many do. Many good things come from Japan but also a lot of things I don't like.
But it's the same with any country. For me anyway.
Why didn't people make a huge deal out of America or Britain or Norway or anything? I haven't lived long enough to say what people thought before my time but I don't think it was the same. Please correct me if I'm wrong. I think this generation is kinda skrewed.
For me, Japan is just another country among others. It just happens to be the one I'm most interested at the moment. A few years ago it was Norway. I don't know if it will change someday but if it does, so what?
When I'm interested in something, I want to know as much about it as possible. That's why it might be a little irritating. I've always been interested in Asian cultures so I haven't really changed after all.
Even though my interests change sometimes, it doesn't mean that I forget them instantly. I still love Dimmu Borgir even though they haven't been on my playlist in a long time.
I'm not interested in countries as names, I'm interested in the stuff that comes from the countries, whatever the country might be. I don't like something because it comes from here or there. I like music that sounds good to me. I like what I like and that shouldn't be anyone's problem except mine.
Thank you. Olli kuittaa. |
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| All U Wish |
[Jan. 21st, 2008|11:14 pm] |
Isn't that just adorable? Obviously it's Tuomas, Emppu, Marco, Jukka and Anette. I don't know who this was done by but it was given to Jarmo, anyway. Jarmo's little pet hedgehog Allu is famous <3 And Tuomas' Jack Sparrow is there too. aww. |
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| Olkaa hyvä herra Lappeenrantalainen kusipää. |
[Jan. 4th, 2008|10:34 pm] |
Today was fun. I woke up at 8.15. It was horrible considering the fact that I had slept about 3 hours? When I came out of the shower I noticed that I had woken up an hour early. Great. I downloaded two more episodes of 魔女の条件 and then ran to the bus stop. Got out at Tuira and waited for Sophie. I waited. And waited a little more. The bus we were supposed to catch went two times past me. And then she showed up. She had overslept. aww. We had some time before the bus would come so we went to Morticia, again.
When we finally got to the bus, there was this drunken guy who kept talking about some really um.. interesting stuff. He complained about the new bus schedules and stuff. He was actually kinda funny. And when he left he said "Olkaa hyvä herra Lappeenrantalainen kusipää" to the driver. He's my idol now.
Got out of the bus and started the long and exhausting walk of 2km to the customs building thing. Got my pretty brown box and left. I didn't have to pay a lot for it fortunately. Then we went to Robert's Coffee. I couldn't wait to open the box, so with the help of a spoon I opened it. And inside was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Or was at the moment anyway. I finally had my darling hide in my hands. Then we went to Sophie's. We watched some movies. Tea is our friend. I experimented with Sophie's doll eyes and wigs and hide was sooo handsome. Well, he still is. Even though he's bald and doesn't have eyes. I'm gonna get them when I get enough money. Now I have to save money for the train tickets to Helsinki.
I went home and my mom wanted to see hide. She still doesn't understand it but maybe when he's finished.. She already said Lianna was pretty.. |
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| 下弦の月 |
[Jan. 2nd, 2008|07:23 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | movie, 下弦の月 | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | hyde - the cape of storms | ] |
Curse you people for telling me 下弦の月 is not a good movie. It's beautiful. I really do love Hyde. And his voice. Now I have to find the soundtrack. |
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| Even more pointless. |
[Dec. 27th, 2007|10:46 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | movie, new, random | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | phantasmagoria - fairy times memory ~another tale~ | ] |
Well I finally finished the Nightwish report. If someone wants to read it just scroll down a couple entries.
Should I say something else. I should. I don't know what. I watched good movies. Creep is good. And Zodiac. This is pathetic. When I'm bored I write a lot of pointless things. Then I update 5 times a day woo. Aanyway. More movies now.
Oh yeah. I heard giru's new songs today. I love them. And the new pvs are nice. Яyo looks like ZERO. aww. |
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| Very pointless. |
[Dec. 27th, 2007|05:25 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | random | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | マゴマゴ - Ore no shio | ] |
I don't have a real reason to post right now. I just feel like writing. I drank my last ラムネ today. It was goood. Emilia and Laura came to Oulu. I saw them. Woo. I fell. There's too much ice outside. And now I'm bored. Movies are nice. Bye. |
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| Hee. |
[Dec. 27th, 2007|03:23 am] |
I should be sleeping by now but I'm just not tired. I heard マゴマゴ will be having one more concert August 31, 2008. I really think I died. "Hän[Kisaki, duh] on ilmoittanut bändinsä Phantasmagorian esiintyvän vielä kerran 31. päivä elokuuta 2008." I had to read that line over and over again. It does say that Phantasmagoria will have a concert in August, right? Don't tell me I'm hallucinating. I knew Kisaki wouldn't stand being off-stage for very long ahhahhahahaha. Will retire from the stage, yeah right. I love him. That means 戮, JUN, 伊織, 纏 and KISAKI will be playing together again. aaaaaa.
But I think the concert will be in Japan wooo. Guess who can't go. That's what you get for not being rich.
Earlier today I started to listen to マゴマゴ again after a few months. 幻想曲-Eternal Silence- is amazing. I've been listening to them for almost all of today now and then I hear they'll have another concert. Cool. I'm just hyper right now.
And last Friday I got dundundunnnnn X Japan - Vanishing Vision. The guy said it's supposed to be First Press but I'm not sure. It doesn't actually matter that much if it is or not. Of course First Press is always the best but aanyway. I'm poor. I lost another 30€. To the same guy who I got Vanishing Vision from. I guess I should be glad it's only 30€ cause it was supposed to about 60€ but then I didn't get Psyence. Someone got to it first. Damn him/her. I could have given that as a christmas present for Riikka [maybe..] but now I have to stick to the first plan. I got Dahlia. I'm happy. And that hide single is coming. Oh my.. I've spent a lot of money. Kill me.
hide is coming. But it's going to Sophie's address and she's leaving tomorrow so I'll get him, or his head, when she comes back >.< In about a week or two. Nice. But I'll manage. I can wait a bit longer.
Christmas was quite nice. Even though I still think it's just an over-rated Christian holiday and an excuse to spend lots of money. It's still nice. I got the newest Nemi book, which I get every year. Some hair-product things and those things that hold your books in place on the shelf and I have no idea what they're called. From mom. And a laptop. I bet my godfather has bought me a new CD again. Usually he somehow manages to get music that I actually like but now I don't know. It doesn't matter, I'll appreciate it anyway. Just because I'm weird like that. I would appreciate a rock wrapped in orange peel if someone really wanted to give me a rock wrapped in orange peel.
I have to go to Nivala.. They're having an exam week next week so I don't think I'll go then. We'll see.
I don't get it. Why does it take me so long to write one entry. It's already 4.30. I think I should go to sleep. This feels like last summer. This is boring, though. Summer was nice cause someone always wanted to stay up with me and now I don't talk to anyone anymore. I'm socially dead. Almost. Sophie went to sleep about 5 hours ago. So did Sami. I guess I should stop reading yuri and sleep, like normal people. I'm not socially dead, I'm just not awake when everybody else is. |
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| Nightwish at Club Teatria 11.12.2007 |
[Dec. 16th, 2007|02:18 am] |
I seriously don't know what I should say right now. I don't know where to start. My mind is still in shock. At least I'm eating again. I guess that's a good thing.
( 11.12.2007 ) |
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| 13.12.2007 |
[Dec. 14th, 2007|12:07 am] |
I heard that the certain someone has sent me my hide head. It would have been wonderful to get him today since it's the real hide's birthday. Well fine it's already the 14th but ignore the 7 minutes. Anyway. I wanted him to have the same birthday as Hideto so I guess I'll have to wait another year before I can finish him. I'll buy all the stuff ready for him but I'll put all of them together 13.12.2008. We'll see if I manage to wait that long but that's my goal. It might take that long anyway 'cause I'll have to get a custom wig and clothes for him. And it might take a really long time before they restock the guitars.. I need money again.
It's been like three weeks since we moved and i don't think I've mentioned anything about it yet o.O Well, we moved. I like the new house. I love my new room. I haven't finished one of the walls yet 'cause I need to print the lyrics first.
I saw Nightwish on Tuesday. Yes, I cried for four hours straight and at one point I really couldn't breathe. It was scary. I saw Tuomas. More about that when I have time to write about it. |
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| Hyper. |
[Dec. 6th, 2007|04:28 pm] |
Buaa. I've been such a boring person for the last few months. Well, I can't help it so.. I don't even remember everything that's happened but maybe it doesn't matter that much.
I've been doing some shopping in the allmighty Internet. I haven't actually payed for anything yet but I just got money yesterday so now I can order stuff. Mwaha. And now the stupid someone said I might not get the thing I'm getting for Riikka. I can't say what it is because usually she reads my entries. Why does it have to be out of print >.<
OH! I almost forgot. I did pay for something. Or my dad did because he wanted to. He's weird like that. I bought a hide head whee~. Yes, hide as in Matsumoto Hideto. Y'know, ABJ dolls? I have to get a body for him. And I wish they would restock the hide guitars already >.< I might have him in a few weeks. Aaaa I can't wait. I'm hyper. Yes this is my first doll but I already have many plans.. For many dolls.. Mika was supposed to be my first but then I found hide and I couldn't resist. He was beautiful. Bald and no face-up yet, not even eyes, but I'm getting them of course. He was quite cheap too so you'd have to be nuts not to buy. And I'm sorry I had to bother you with the paypal thing, Sophie. Next time I'll have my own. I'm getting the verified by visa thing to my card.
Maybe sometime next year I'll have enough money for Mika [No, she's not named after Nakashima Mika] and Hitsugi. And Mika's still-nameless girlfriend.
I'm in Nivala right now, actually. So far it's been nice. I saw Ulla yesterday. We went to R-Kioski 'cause she wanted to watch a movie but we've already seen all the movies they had so we ended up watching one of the movies Jonne had brought me.
I wanted to fly. Poor Ulla. She had to put up with me and my hyperness. I tried to fly off the library stairs but as you can guess, that didn't really work. All I managed to get was weird looks from the people who happened to be walking past the library. Aaanyway. We invaded S-Market and as usual, got almost thrown out of the place. We're quite um.. loud. Do you people even know how fun buying candy can be? Reaaaly fun. Then the rest of the way home I was trying to imitate Maya. Don't ask. Poor Ulla.
My exams went almost well. I passed though. That I'm proud of. I think I should study more for the coming exams. I have to get a good grade from psychology or I'll hit myself.
Lately I've missed my old friends a lot. I mean the friends I had in Texas. I just noticed that I never really got along with the Americans. They didn't like me. One of my best friends was American but her mother was Chinese or Japanese or something.. All my friends were people from some other country. Arum was from Korea, Lisa was from Vietnam and Haruka from Japan. And Minni and Titti from Finland. I miss them. I tried writing to Lisa but I don't think she has my current email so it goes straight to the trash bin where she won't find it. Great. Her email is the only one I can remember and I've lost the paper they were written on. Woo. I'll still try.
What else. My biology lab report is one day late. I don't feel like writing it. Last.fm is not working right. waa. Maybe I'll survive. My birthday is next week.
I've been seeing nightmares. Only nightmares. I really think there might be something wrong with my head. Well, who cares. As long as I don't start seeing people who don't exist then I'll be fine. I don't mean dead people though. I've always seen them but people who have never existed, that's what I mean.
My mom is weird. Wednesday morning she came to wake me up at 6.30am and asked if I would like to skip school. I said I would but I had promised Sophie I'd protect Nao's headless body in the bus so I had to go to school. I'm too nice sometimes. But I don't mind. It was fun to run around Rotuaari with a not-as-heavy-as-I-would-have-thought bag.
On Saturday we went to get some service hours for CAS by handing out papers at Rotuaari. I got rid of one paper. I'm proud of myself. HA. It was kinda pathetic but at least I got 1.5 hours of service.
After that Riikka and I ran to our yoga lesson and she fell asleep again. Awww. I did too but I'm more quiet when I sleep. I think o.O
After yoga we went to Robert's Coffee and sat there for um.. four hours? I think. Then we went home to watch The Joulukalenteri.
I noticed that I write things down in the order I happen to remember them so it's kinda confusing. mwaha |
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| I know you love filling these things. |
[Dec. 4th, 2007|07:19 pm] |
01. Who are you?
02. Are we friends?
03. When and how did we meet?
04. Would you like to fall in love with me?
05. Would you like to kiss me?
06. Tell me you nickname and how did you get it.
07. Tell sth about me in one word.
08. Your first thought when you saw me?
09. Do you still think like that?
10. Who/What do I remind you of?
11. If you had the possibility to give me sth, what would it be?
12. Do you know me well?
13. When did you see me last time?
14. Have you ever wanted to tell me sth, but you weren't able to?
15. What it was?
16. Will you post this quiz in your journal to know, what I think about you? |
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| First snow <3 |
[Nov. 9th, 2007|07:59 pm] |
It was yesterday but anyway. I walked out of the school building at about 12 and I noticed SNOW! Well, it was snowing. Very little. But it was still snowing! Then we went to Morticia with Sofia and by the time we got back to school it was already snowing a lot. We were white. hih. I love snow.
But it didn't make me feel better. |
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